'Chronicle of My Mother' and My 'Hitting Rock Bottom and Bouncing Back'

I wonder if you have the habit of regularly calling or video chatting with family? How often?

For me personally, I now have a fixed video call with my mom every Thursday night for over an hour, and I also call randomly on other days. This is a habit I only started in my second semester of university. Although it’s only been going on for about a month, this feeling of “picking up an important part of my life” has made my heart much more at peace.

Sometimes when we’re both in a good state, we can talk about much more than I imagined: from whether she’ll help take care of my kids in the future, to the ration tickets and sugar tickets of the impoverished era. Mom even analyzes why I call her so often. Of course, there are also times when we can’t really talk—every worried word she says might annoy me. But now, I try to let go of the annoyance and replace arguments with silence. Though the result might be sitting there speechless, haha. But when I no longer avoid and instead patiently explain and share, I find that Mom also listens carefully and tries hard to understand complicated things.

From Lost and Drained to Cherishing the Present

This change came from my overall life state “hitting rock bottom and bouncing back.”

Looking back at my first semester of university, I was in a state of confusion and helplessness for a long time. Single-mindedly wanting to do something, exhausting all possible paths, the result was burying myself in online courses, joining clubs in a daze, doing competitions… Every day was packed full, with almost no free time. Even going to the woods to get some fresh air felt like a burden taken on to “improve productivity.”

But this semester, I’ve gained a deeper understanding of “cherishing the people, things, and objects I already have.” I’m no longer constantly immersed in anxiety about future matters like further education and jobs, but have started cherishing these short and precious four years of undergraduate life.

• Physically: I made a commitment and joined Ivan’s running program, developing a habit of running every week; during martial arts training, while the teacher was there, I’d stand in a corner doing standing meditation for one or two hours, letting the teacher professionally “adjust my stance.”

• Academically: I fixed and limited my time for studying major courses and memorizing vocabulary, which actually stimulated improved efficiency (at least I didn’t abandon my studies, haha).

• In daily life: I set aside large blocks of free time for unexpected activities, reading, taking walks. I’m still playing games, just replacing the “League of Legends” I’ve played since childhood (30-40 minutes per game) with “Clash Royale” (3-4 minutes per game), no longer letting it overly occupy the energy for enjoying life’s beauty. I’m gradually feeling that detours aren’t completely meaningless, and bad luck doesn’t last forever.

Mother’s Memory and My Reflections

Recently reading Yasushi Inoue’s “Chronicle of My Mother,” the descriptions of the mother’s memory decline always remind me of moments video calling with Mom. Those words feel like footnotes to my learning to “cherish.”

“Perhaps Mother is using an eraser to wipe clean the long line of her life, starting from one end. Of course, this isn’t Mother’s intention—the one holding the eraser is aging, helpless aging.”

“Mother has also forgotten all happy memories. Likewise, unpleasant memories have also vanished… Living is like this—at every moment there is visible and invisible toil drifting down onto our shoulders, and now Mother must be feeling their weight.”

“Mother would feel that dusk had arrived shortly after eating breakfast; conversely, she would take dusk for morning… As long as she receives the signal that it’s dusk, she insists it is dusk, with no other possibility.”