Between 'Flow' and 'Losing Control': A Creator's 8-Week Reflection on Finding Three Balances

Why do I, after getting caught up in passion, always crave “a room of my own”?

Over the past eight weeks (from late August to mid-October), I did an experiment: I used voice journals to record my life, work, emotions, and thoughts in high density.

When I reviewed these massive records, I saw not just a pile of trivial matters, but a mini epic about “a digital-age creator.”

I saw myself filled with infinite passion for AI and programming, enjoying the thrill of creating from 0 to 1—that “flow” state that truly makes you feel like you’re floating on air.

But I also saw another side: me getting caught up in passion, editing videos until I’m too excited to sleep, falling into low states after high-output periods, and constantly feeling “super anxious” about “not keeping up with the times.”

My life seemed trapped in a cycle:

High-efficiency creation → Extreme excitement → Worsening sleep → Low state → Deep reflection → Starting again

This blog post is about my hero’s journey of trying to find “three balances” in this cycle.

Balance One: Digital World vs Physical World

I love my work. I can’t live without my computer and AI—they’re my “super power-ups.”

But I’m acutely aware that my body is a “biological brain,” not a machine. When I get too immersed in the digital world, it clearly protests.

My antidote is returning to the physical world.

• Exercise is my “medicine”: Running has become not a task for me, but an “enjoyment” and source of dopamine. When I feel mentally drained or have been sitting too long, 10 minutes of standing meditation immediately “grounds” me back to earth.

• Food is my “fuel”: I’ve started truly understanding how food affects mood. I no longer just “eat until full” but am learning to “eat right.” I can clearly feel how “super healthy” food empowers me, while high oil and sugar (like that evening’s brown sugar tofu pudding) makes my body “crash.”

My biggest insight is: High-quality energy management is the only prerequisite for high-level creative output. My body is the foundation of all creativity.

Balance Two: Creative Passion vs Consumption Boundaries

I’m a natural creator. Over the past two months, I’ve developed apps, built websites, and recorded AI courses. This high-intensity creation brings me immense satisfaction.

But this passion is a double-edged sword.

It brings “flow,” but also “losing control.” I forget time when caught up in a project, sacrificing sleep. I also feel “super anxious” when I see others’ excellent work.

AI has amplified my creativity, but also trapped me in a “technology-driven infinite game.”

The biggest challenge I face now is: How do I set a sustainable “healthy boundary” for this nearly unlimited creative passion?

I’ve started designing my own “anti-getting-caught-up” mechanisms. For example, before starting a high-intensity creative task, I pre-arrange “physical world” activities for afterward (like making plans to walk with friends), forcing myself to leave the screen and “cool down” from the excitement.

Balance Three: Individual Independence vs Deep Connection

In my journals, one phrase appears countless times: “A room of my own.”

I (currently) don’t have a completely private, independent space. This has become my biggest pain point when recording courses and doing deep work. I crave a physical space where I can “shut out the world” and not be disturbed.

But gradually, I realized this “room” isn’t just physical—it’s also a spiritual “sanctuary.” It represents the freedom of focus and autonomy of spirit.

Yet, just as I desperately crave independence, I also deeply recognize: “Humans really are social animals.”

• I crave “the courage to be disliked,” but I’m also learning to understand “how the other person thinks.”

• I crave finding fellow travelers (peers) who can “understand my ideas.”

• I crave finding support and warmth in interactions with family and friends.

What I’m learning is how to find that delicate balance between the independent pursuit of “becoming myself” and the deep connection of “being a member of society.”

Upgrading My “Life Operating System”

These reflections all come from my persistent “record-reflect-adjust” practice. My voice journals have become the debugger for iterating my “life operating system.”

From these reflections, I’ve distilled several new “action protocols”:

• On Focus: “If” I find myself looking at the computer for more than 3 consecutive hours, “then” immediately get up and do 10 minutes of standing meditation.

• On Anxiety: “If” I feel anxious about others’ opinions, “then” open my “gratitude” journal and revisit that positive feedback.

• On Sharing: I used to re-record courses repeatedly due to imperfection. Now I tell myself to try sharing with the mindset of “documenting the learning process,” embracing “imperfect” output.

On the Road

I’m still walking this path of finding balance.

I no longer only pursue the rush of “flow,” but also cherish the calm of “resting peacefully.” I realize that the true “epic” isn’t about how high you fly, but how, in all the swaying, you find your center of gravity again and again.